FCK THIS SHIT, I'M NOT HIDING IT TONIGHT, NOT TODAY. IT'S FCKING TIRING.
"When life got difficult, we would be there for each other, and it would all be alright."
I'm real sick of all these kind of bullshits. Because when life got difficult, I have no one. It's always the time where you were all alone in a hotel room or something, flashbacks, stressed of work, tired, trashed in a bar, things just hit you up.
Yes, I missed him. Well, I missed him all these while actually, just I pretend that I'm not because I don't want to admit how shit I am while he's happy at the other end of earth with his new girl. Whenever I saw his text I'm all messed up.
His text will probably just asking "How are you? Doing good?" I shall just answer "Good."
Yeh of course good, why not? Can I just say "NO, NOT AT ALL THANKS TO YOU?!" C'mon, I'll be a god damn bitch if I did that. I've got my pride, and she got you. So I let you go and I kept my tears inside.
I wish I can just cry and say, no I missed you. I'm still loving you and it hurts me a lot.
He asked me once, "Do you really hate me that much?" Yeh, why not? For all these shits that you've done to me, why not? But the answer is no. I can tell the whole world how much I hate you, how much I would curse you, but deep inside, I don't. I say I hate you because I don't wanna admit that I'm still loving you, loving you like how I used to be, loving you like you're the only man I've met. God, I hate this. I can't explain to myself why am I still loving you.
I hate shadows of you, this is killing me. I thought of you even when I'm working, distracting much when I need full concentration. When I was at Clarke Quay Singapore, & that damn song "Last Christmas", I don't get it why on earth must they play it at the bar, it's not even near to CHRISTMAS YET. All the sudden it just brought me back to last Christmas seriously. When they asked me when was my last visit to Singapore, I'll just answer "I don't really remember, I was so young that time." W-T-F a good liar I know, yeh I'm good in lies nowadays.
You've asked me before, "Are we still friends?" Why don't you teach me, HOW THE HECK CAN WE BE FRIENDS WHEN I'M STILL SO IN LOVE WITH YOU. When your birthday passed, I didn't call. I did it on purpose, to make myself real busy on that day so that I could just reach home exhausted and sleep. I'm scared of drowning myself when all I did was trying my best to get back up all these time. You're done with me, but I'm not. For all these while my love is real. My feelings is there. I'm not a girl who fools around with relationship. I ain't like you, you can forget everything I've done for you instantly. And so that's how I labelled our new relationship. Strangers With Memories. I'm still very in love with that stranger who abandoned me. I'm such an idiot. Because of you, "promise" is no longer in my vocabulary. He didn't break my heart, it was stolen and he just made me look at relationships differently.
